What can we learn about love from the islanders in just one week of Love Island? Amana Walker looks at some of the questions you might want to ask about your own relationship
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Our new bombshells got to know the villa. (Source: ITV)
You’ll either love it or hate it – and I won’t judge you either way.
You’ll have been glued to your screen and watched it almost every night for weeks, or you’d rather have watched paint dry.
As usual, there are some lessons we can all learn about relationships and maybe ourselves (if we’re willing to admit it).
We’ve seen the usual flare-ups, breakups and reconciliations, and we’ve seen how difficult it can be to manage your emotions (and behavior) in such a tense environment — which led this year to Jacques O’Neill suddenly leaving.
With all the shenanigans, it reminded me how quickly and how powerfully someone can manipulate and influence your behavior in an attempt to hide hers.
You know, like a jealous partner makes you think that she are the problem…
Or a partner who “cheated” (aka kissed someone behind your back) but expects you to believe it was “nothing.” Right.
Or the person who just can’t decide. They really, really want you…. well, until someone else comes along.
If your partner causes you distress, when you misbehaved – and they expect you to change, just stop and think about these things:
Who Should Apologize?
If you’ve done (or said) something behind your partner’s back, you’ll be found out – so if you don’t deal with it quickly, you’ll look a whole lot worse.
Even if you’ve been flirting, it looks disrespectful to a lot of people. Trust can be easily broken, and once that’s happened it’s not that easy to get it back – there’s always doubt in the back of your mind.
So, if Your relationship means a lot to you, so apologize in advance for any hurt you may have caused. Be honest in what you say (because we know when you’re not!) and stay true to your partner.
A final word on this: if you feel pressured to say sorry but haven’t done anything wrong, find out what’s behind it. Your partner may be insecure and/or overprotective. You can calm them down, but the problem is with them and their behavior.
Will he/she change his/her behavior for you?
We all make mistakes and swear never to make them again, right? And we’re usually serious.
But changing his behavior is not that easy; We humans often return to our old habits after a while. It takes real discipline or a shock to our system to make a lasting change.
Then think about your partner. Is their (bad) behavior unique, caused by something in particular – like illness, job or money problems, a major change in their life – or have you seen it before and forgiven it?
In every relationship there must be honesty, trust and mutual love. And when in doubt, seriously consider the last point below.
Make sure this relationship is right for you
Only you are responsible for yourself. Don’t allow anyone to manipulate you or make you feel bad if you haven’t done anything wrong.
We’ve seen quite a bit of that at the Love Island mansion this year – mostly among the boys.
Decide what you are willing to accept and whether your (mutual) love is strong enough to see you through.
Weigh the pros and cons: Nobody is perfect, but don’t put up with the person you’re with when you know deep down that it’s not right. There is someone out there who suits you.
And above all… Don’t let anyone stop you. Be willing to let your partner down if you value yourself more than they do. You are worth more than that.
The real test of Love Island relationships is how long they last, leaving the villa’s bubble to come home and live in the “real world.”
It’s easy to get close to someone when you’re sharing a nice home — and bed — in the sun for weeks.
The proximity principle in psychology tells us that we are more likely to form relationships with people with whom we live or work nearby.
Are our Love Island couples only dating (and for the perks of winning/closing commercial deals) or because they genuinely love each other?
We will see. And when you’re in the spotlight, there’s always someone watching.
Anyway, who is your favorite to win?
You can listen to Amana on our Self Improvement Podcast Series, The reset room.